Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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