i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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