I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
