After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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