If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
