I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
