its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
