I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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