We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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