I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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