Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
