You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize