Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
