I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
