Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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