May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
