i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
