Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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