I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
