My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize