his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
