I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
