what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
