I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
