Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love having hate sex.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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