i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
