the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
