I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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