I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
