i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
