just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sext me about skeletons
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
