somebody snuck up and got me drunk
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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