im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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