i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
