Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
