I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
