Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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