Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize