wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
