we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize