I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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