Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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