Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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