wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
