Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
