It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
