I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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