If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
