Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
