So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?