Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
