her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions