were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
