i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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