I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
