My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
