dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
