I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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