i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
