Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
