We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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