i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
