3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
