and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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