i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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