we have officially lost it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
